I hate modern cell phone etiquette

Tell me if this has ever happened to you. You pick up the phone and dial someone. The phone rings a few times. You’re prepared to leave a message. The person you called answers. You start your typical greeting and then the person says.

“Hey I’m really busy, can I call you back later?”

You say, “Okay” and then the call is terminated.

Don’t you usually feel a little weird afterward? The weirdness normally subsides within seconds because you’re so use to the behavior. It happens all the time now. You’re immune to it. You probably don’t even know why you feel weird in the first place.

If you’re over 30 years of age this behavior is weird because you remember a time when phones weren’t attached to people. You remember the phones being in centralized areas of your home.

What you DON’T remember is someone ever answering the phone and then telling the person on the other end “Hey, I’m really busy, can I call you back later?” You know why you never heard it, because it’s a stupid asinine thing to do.

Back then when you were too busy to talk you chose to NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. It makes very little sense to answer when you can’t talk. If you don’t have much time, why deplete it by answering the phone at all? Why would you cut into your already hectic schedule to pick up a phone that you’re not going to use?

If you ever get intellectually curious and ask someone why he/she does it, they’ll say, “I just wanted to let you know I couldn’t talk.” They don’t realize that I get the same clue if they don’t answer the phone at all. In fact that’s the first thing that goes through my mind when the phone goes to voice mail. Then being courteous I actually consider the importance of my query even before leaving a message. Will it be worth their time to check this message? Can I get the information I need from another resource?

Also when you just don’t answer I can say to myself. The phone isn’t nearby, you couldn’t get to it before it went to VM, or you’re working on some top-secret plan to end war, poverty, and human strife, as we know it.

When you pick up the phone I actually think to myself that you do have time to talk, and then when you tell me otherwise I get confused. Then on top of that I get to hear you tell me that the thing you’re in the middle of right now, is more important than talking to me but not important enough to ignore your phone.

So you answering the phone when you can’t talk, is not comforting at all, it’s actually a bit troubling.

Let’s break this down a little further shall we. Say I’m calling you. I have basically two objectives:

1) To speak/connect with you
2) To leave you a message if I can’t speak to you

You answering the phone deny me of both objectives. When you do this I actually get nothing out of the transaction, and remember I was the one that initiated contact: not you. Shouldn’t I be able to get something out of it? I would think so!

And if the phone ringing is annoying you just send me straight to VM. I’m a big boy, I can handle it! No secure person will get upset if the phone rings once and then gets jettisoned to VM. In fact I appreciate you more for not having me sit through the pointless 3-4 additional rings before VM is queued up.

The only time this behavior makes any sense is if you and I have set up a pre-determined time to chat, a phone date if you will. A mutually specified time to converse, and you answer the phone because you had to change the time of our conversation, due to your schedule being pre-empted.

Think about it. Stop doing it.

I hate people who have the audacity to think that they can actually tempt fate

Leave it up to human beings to think that they have the ability to change destiny by speaking something into existence. It’s 2011 and people are still doing stupid crap. We are well into the 21st century, and humanity still has to deal with this nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in positive affirmations, and visualization techniques. It’s paramount that people have a vision for themselves especially because success is created in the brain before it can be born into the world. Having said that; let me give you an example of what I’m talking about with the speaking it stuff.

Some of us have been blessed/cursed with dark senses of humor. From time to time, we’ll say something out of the box to move a person out of their comfortable happy place. Usually we’ll take something cherished like children or old people and say something “insensitive” about them. Or we’ll say something about ourselves in a derogatory way, and someone will say, “You shouldn’t say that. You don’t want to put that type of stuff out in the air.”

Like the chemistry of my breath joining with this magical air is going to make my words come into fruition.

I don’t have that kind of power. Wish I did though because I would say things like.

20 Million, in my bank account, NOW…

Halle Berry, teddy, bedroom, NOW…

Cancer, cured, NOW…

Dallas Cowboys, Superbowl, NOW….

Take this a step further. People still feel like if they don’t say certain things bad things will happen.

Recently a friend informed me that his wife was pregnant. He was overjoyed at the news, and I was happy that he was happy so I congratulated him.

My friend’s a good dude. He just got married; his wife has a 7-year old daughter that he adores, and raises as his own. One of the things that I admire about him is his straight-forwardness and honesty. He’s a huge proponent of keeping it real.

He knew I had taken an interest in the pregnancy so he’d give me updates. A few weeks ago he told me that they were going in for the ultrasound/sonogram, and that they’d be made aware of the gender of the baby.

So of course I asked the obligatory question, but before I asked it, I paused, and thought inwardly, would this time be different? Would this honest, straightforward person give me a real answer or would he just regurgitate what so many mindless robots have vomited from the beginning of time. After calculating these 9 variables….

Already has a girl
Another girl would make the house 3-1 girls
A boy would complete the set
He’s a dude, why wouldn’t he want a boy to pass things down to?
A boy will carry the family name
Boys are easier to raise
Couple is advanced in age and probably won’t attempt having another child
Friend’s honesty
Friend's straight-forwardness

I felt comfortable that I was going to get a real answer. So I proceeded to ask the question; exactly like this…. “Hey friend of course the health of the baby is paramount, that being said, do you have a preference? Boy or girl?

Sidebar….

There are only four logical answers to this question, and one of them never gets thought of. I would have accepted any one of the four.

Yes, I prefer a girl.
Yes, I prefer a boy.
I have no preference.
My personal favorite, No, I want a hermaphrodite. That’s it. Only those four!

I didn’t have to wait long for his response. He said, “I just want a healthy baby.”

OK HERE WE GO!

The ignorance train just pulled into the station. Why do people say this? Of course you want a healthy baby. Who doesn’t? If given the choice healthy or unhealthy, an ape would choose healthy. Come on! Do you really think that saying this is going to somehow insure a healthy baby? 8 million children are born each year with a serious birth defect. You think those 16 million parents were hoping for an unhealthy baby or forgot to say aloud that they were hoping for a healthy baby.

I’m not asking about your baby’s health. It’s understood that we all want your baby to be healthy. My last name is not Dahmer, Kraczyski, Gacy, Manson, or Berkowitz.

You giving me the “I just want a healthy baby” to my question is the equivalent of me asking you do you prefer the black car or the red one? And you answer, “I just want a car that not going to run off the side of the road and kill me.”

This is worse than superstition. At least the superstitious know that their quirks are weird and outside of the norm. But these people, who insist on saying this, really do humanity a disservice because they believe that this is proper and normal behavior.

I beg you. Please stop saying this.

Sidebar…

I don’t have children, and if I’m ever blessed to have them I’m sure I’ll say something dumb like this, but believe me I’ll hate myself for it.