I hate that Chris Paul doesn't get his due as best PG Alive

Chris Paul doesn’t play point guard, Chris Paul is POINT GUARD. He wasn’t asked to play the position because of his size or athleticism, Chris Paul is Point Guard because of his DNA. He was born Point Guard. Even if he grew to be 6’10 he’d still be Point Guard. He is the best Point Guard in the NBA and it’s not even close.

Others have superior physical skills, but none compare to Paul as a floor general, and leader of men. We have fun looking at Derrick Rose, and Russell Westbrook and admire their high flying acts but when it comes to the seriousness of basketball, the wins and losses, the getting the most out of your teammates, there is no one comparable to Chris Paul. He is taller than every Point Guard in the league from his shoulders up. His ability to problem solve on the fly when 5 superior athletes are obstructing him from getting an 8 panel leather ball into an 18 inch rim is unparallel.

Chris Paul has great physical tools, but what makes him better is the way he thinks the game. Paul’s basketball IQ is off the charts. Many Point Guards play basketball checkers. They react, and they try to stay one step ahead. Paul plays basketball chess. And like the grandmasters before him, he sees the entire board. He knows all ten pieces on the court intimately. He sees the flow of the game, how the pieces move in unison, and how to exploit those moves. He doesn’t just love playing the game; Chris Paul is the game.

Chris Paul is a basketball savant. He learned everything that could be done on a basketball court and then he decided to do things that had never been done. The mark of higher intelligence is when you use your brain to figure out future problem. Great people ask themselves hypothetical question all the time. They don’t do it because they only enjoy thinking; they do it because they never want to be caught off guard. When you’re sleeping they're thinking. Paul is great because he plays basketball in the future.

Paul resurrected Tyson Chandler and David West in New Orleans. In playoff series where his teams were out-manned, playing against championship caliber teams, he found ways to steal games. His teams never look unprepared or overwhelmed. His teams may lose but it’s not because they beat themselves, it’s because the team that beats them is better.

The greatest compliment I ever heard in sports was when Bum Philips said of Don Shula “He's great because he can take his (team) and beat yours (team), and then take your team and beat his.” This quote personifies Chris Paul. Long before Chris Paul was ever a Clipper I bet you on vacation somewhere on some tropical island he thought about what it would be like to play with Blake Griffin, but he didn’t stop there. He also thought about how he could get the best out of Blake Griffin. That attitude is what makes Chris Paul the best POINT GUARD ALIVE, and for my money it’s not even close.

I hate Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning is the devil.

He is an arrogant, narcissistic, control freak, savant who has to dominate every situation he involves himself in. He’s the devil because he’s more subtle than any beast of the field. His public persona is polar opposite of who he is. He is considered a saint. Read anything written about him and you will undoubtedly find these words; hard working, perfectionist, leader, commander, genius. I submit that if you allow yourself to really think about Manning, and his career, you’ll come to the conclusion that he is a megalomaniac that probably wakes up every day, and wonders when someone will approach him, and tell him he’s not wearing any clothes.


Exhibit A – (Pride) The Manning Offense

The “Manning Offense” is ordinary. Manning’s teams have never ended the season ranked as the top-rated offense in the league. Never! Manning’s offense works in the regular season when his savant like focus helps him prepare more than his competitors. His regular season record is 141-67 (.678). However in the playoffs when teams are faced with sudden death elimination, and they prepare on a “manning” type level his record is 9-10 (.473).

Manning has a 2 to 1 TD to Interception ratio QBR 94.9 in the regular season, and a 3 to 2 ratio - QBR 88.4 in the playoffs. Many of the all time greats like Montana, Bradshaw, Brady, and Aikman dominate playoff games at a higher clip than the regular season. They seem to elevate their play in the biggest moments. Manning doesn't.


Exhibit B – (Gluttony) The MVP’s


Manning’s need to be most valuable has an OCD feel to it. Manning has won 4 NFL MVP awards. In 2011, a year in which he didn’t take a snap, many were clamoring that he should be named the MVP because his team played so poorly without him. Most years the MVP is awarded to the player that had the best season, but many media outlets, fans, and football experts wanted to give it to a guy that didn’t have a season. Why? Because Manning created a situation in Indianapolis where he became bigger than the team. The team was built to his specifications. He allowed people to call him the de-facto offensive coordinator. In the ultimate team sport he was much bigger than the team; which lead to a season where, in his absence, the Colts fell apart, and lost its first 13 games. Who would build a team like that? That’s why Jim Irsay took the first opportunity he got to correct the problem. Irsay is probably the only person to ever say "NO" to Manning.



Exhibit C – (Sloth) The Back-ups


Who are Jim Sorgi, and Curtis Painter? Why would a person that cared so much about his team not suggest to the player personnel people to enlist a quality back-up just in case there was an unforeseen injury situation? Manning cared more about having a weak clip board holder than having an adequate insurance plan for the Colts.
Manning signed with the Broncos today, and word on the street is Tebow has to go. Why? Why not keep him, and groom him under the “greatest QB of all time?” Answer…Manning doesn’t feel comfortable having anyone of value behind him.


Exhibit D – (Greed) Money


Peyton Manning never took a discount. Manning’s last three contracts broke the bank. He took the starting QB money and the Back-ups money as well. He makes more money off the field than any other NFL player. If he really cared about his team why wouldn’t he take a discount and surround himself with better players. Brady and Aikman both took less money to sustain their respective teams.

In July 2011 Manning signed a contract that would pay him $54 Million by March of 2012. I have yet to see anyone question this. Manning had just had neck surgery and was rehabbing. He had to know he would miss some time, and at best wouldn’t be 100% for the 2011 season, and still thought it fare to take $54 million over a 9 month period.


Exhibit E – (Lust) The Manchurian QB


The media loves Peyton Manning. He’s a family man. He’s hard working. He’s a philanthropist. He has a children’s hospital with his name on it for goodness sake. He can do no wrong. He wants to mind screw everyone, and make us all fall in love with him. Doesn’t this make you a little nervous?


Exhibit F – (Envy) The Good Son


Did anyone else think it was weird that during Eli’s big moment (Super Bowl week), Peyton was leaking information about his health and his desire to stay in Indianapolis? Why not let Eli have the week? There was still a month left before Peyton and the Colts had to make a decision. Peyton couldn’t help himself he had to make himself the story.



Exhibit G - (Wrath) Free Agency 2012


Manning could have retired. He’s had (4) neck surgeries. He’s a family man. He has more money than he could ever spend. Why come back and play this gladiator sport? His ego won’t let him leave. He has to exact revenge on the one or two people that doubt him. It’s funny because he’s coming back to “re-capture” a crown that he never had. He’s never been a great QB. Right now he’s not even a top 5 QB in the league. I’d take Brees, Brady, Rodgers, Eli, and Big Ben ahead of him. The NFL Network was calling him the most sought-after free agent of all time. How soon they forget Reggie White, and Deion Sanders. This week he chose Denver over San Francisco. One would think if it was all about winning he would have chose the 49ers. Better coach, better defense, better city, better chance of winning a Super Bowl. Manning chose the Broncos because they were weak, and they will allow him to run the team in his very mediocre way.


Exhibit H – The Steak Dinner


This is an example of Manning hurting the innocent. In 2002 I bet a friend of mine from Philadelphia (I lived in Washington DC at the time) a steak dinner at Morton's that Peyton Manning would never win a Super Bowl. He gladly accepted the bet. He thought he was getting the best of it. I had observed Manning play 4 years in the SEC and 4 professional seasons, and knew he didn’t have what it took to win the big one. He always folded under pressure. I was planning on collecting my steak dinner somewhere around the fall of 2013. Then something inexplicable happened. Manning sold his soul to the devil in 2006 and won the big game. I couldn’t believe it. In a satanic turn the likes of which we hadn’t seen since Johnny Favorite bedded Epiphany Proudfoot, Manning got his devilish paws on the Lombardi.

A closer look will show that the Angel of Darkness had his fingerprints all over this one. Manning had a “Slumdog Millionaire” run in the 2006 playoffs. He faced the Chiefs in game 1 of the playoffs; a team that backed into the post-seasons and was happy to lie down to the Colts. Next the Colts had to go to Baltimore and play maybe the worst #1 Seed in NFL history. The Raven’s QB Steve McNair was a shell of himself after a brutal regular season. Manning couldn’t score a TD that day, but beat the hapless Ravens 15-6. On the other side of the bracket the Patriots got totally outplayed by the Chargers but won, which allowed the Colts to host the AFC Championship game.

In that game New England jumped out to a 21-6 halftime lead. Manning was choking again in the big game. And then uncharacteristically the Patriots fell apart and allowed the Colts to gain momentum and steal a game that should have never been close. All three wins were fortuitous but this is how I know for sure that something freaky was happening that year, the Colts opposition in the Super Bowl (the Bears) was coached by Tony Dungy’s mentee Lovie Smith. And more importantly Smith's defensive scheme was the same scheme Dungy taught him, and the identical defense that Manning saw every day in practice. The demonic stars were all aligned that year. And due to the fact that I had moved to Atlanta by 2006 a steak dinner that would have cost me $300 dollars ended up costing me $1,000.

Everything is not as it seems with Peyton Manning. Isn't it the devils job to beguile the whole world. In biblical times he was a snake. In modern times he's a quaterback that wears #18.

I hated Redtails

Movies are supposed to be entertainment. So I hate when prior to a movies release the buzz is about racial support for the movie. This seems to only happen in the African-American community. You know where a person is considered not BLACK if he or she doesn’t support a movie on opening weekend. No one really informs you that there are NO black studios, and although a movie may be made for a black audience the monies that are derived from its success rarely make it to the pockets of black people.

The budget for “Redtails” was 58M. That’s a sizable investment for a black history story, with a relatively all black cast. And when the movie didn’t test well, the propaganda machine was revved up to introduce racial black-male in an attempt to guilt black people into supporting the film.

There is a reason why the movie didn’t test well. It was an awful movie! George Lucas, who financed the film, got in on some of the racial sparring. Instead of helping the movie with his wallet, he should have donated his considerable movie making abilities. Don’t get me wrong this is an excellent story but all great stories don’t make great movies (see… “Tortuous and the Hair”, “Humpty Dumpty”. Etc.) These are fantastic stories that would never have a movie script written for them. Plus this same story was told in 1995 when the “Tuskegee Airmen” was made. “Airmen” was 100 times better than “Redtails.”

This movie was bad because;

There was no dynamic character. No character changed. There was no growth or expansion of any personality.

The acting was bad. No one convinced me they cared about their character. Who did the casting of this movie? Tuskegee Airmen had Laurence Fishburne, Andre Braugher, John Lithgow, Mekhi Phifer, Courtney B. Vance; this movie had Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr, and a bunch of nobodies.

It was a sausage fest. The only woman in the movie didn’t speak English.

Hollywood please start making movies that are entertaining. This movie could have been good if you cared more about entertaining us, and less about telling a story, and then extracting money for it from us.

I hate Valentine's Day

Saint Valentine's Day, often simply Valentine's Day, is a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentinus. It was first established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards known as "valentines".

In 2012 Valentine’s Day is still going strong. Its commercial appeal is at an all time high. An estimated $252 per couple is being spent this year to celebrate the gift of love. The buy-in is overwhelming. Women love it. Their relationship esteem is tied to it. God forbid nothing shows up for them at the office today. You’ll have a vagina revault on your hands that will make the Arab Spring look like two children arguing over who gets the last Capri-sun in the fridge.

Men wish they could opt-out of this ridiculous social arrangement, but at the end of the day, they know it’s not worth the hassle. Resistance is futile, so many just go along with the program. Or they find ways to create made-up fights around the turn of the year that suddenly get resolved right around St. Patty’s Day. Bad guys hate the "holiday." Men think (essentially) they are paying for sex with some kind of currency already. Valentine's Day makes the transaction overt and it pisses them off. Good guys hate the “holiday” because we are showing love all year round, and find it insulting that women choose to elevate this day over all other 24 hour periods in the year. Mike Wilbon said it best “Valentine’s Day is simply a chance for losers to get back in the game.” Winners know this.

When I was younger I tried to opt-out of Valentine’s Day. I approached it logically, but women still hated me for it. So I compromised, and would specifically plan awesome dates on February 13. They couldn’t get mad at that right? Wrong! So I finally broke down and performed my dumb manly duty, however I’d drop in a little sarcasm with it. This worked but I still felt hints of resentment.

In a perfect world this “holiday” would be abolished. It actually does more harm than good. Valentine’s Day does more to disrupt the due north register on more relationship compasses than anything I can think of. Insecure women get destroyed when their man doesn’t come through. Resentful men are vindictive and will always find a way to exact revenge in some small unseen way. Finally if everything goes well and Valentine’s Day is handled flawlessly by both parties, it raises the bar so high that February 15 can be no less than a major let down.

Let’s stop the madness now. We need to start a campaign to abolish this horrible creation. I suggest we have Karl Rove and his republican henchmen to wage war on Valentine’s Day. If anyone can take something that is seeming good and make it bad they can. These are the guys that re-branded the Estate Tax and turned it into the “Death Tax.” They turned increased taxes into “Class Warfare.” They turned democratic capitalism into “Chrony Capitalism.” We need Valentine’s Day defeated before it does irreputable harm. Rise up Republicans!

I hate that people don’t know what GORGEOUS means

Ladies, if a man calls u gorgeous he either A. doesn’t know what the word means, or B is trying to fuck u. Okay. Back to work.

The above was a tweet I broadcast about 2 months ago right after I said it to a female friend of mine. We were chopping up her single moments, and she was telling me how a guy at the grocery store was kind of stalking her (in the store), followed her outside and then dropped the “Ms. You are gorgeous! I had to follow you, and introduce myself.” She was glowing as she retold the story. I could tell that it had boosted her confidence through the roof.

Now she’s attractive don’t get me wrong. But gorgeous… Gorgeous is rare. Super-rare. I can guarantee you; you’re not going to run up into gorgeous in the grocery store. I’d say my friend is pretty. So every time she said gorgeous my face twitched a little. She noticed it and said “Oh so you don’t think I’m gorgeous?” and then I hit her with the tag line.

She didn’t agree with me. So I had to break it down. Like I said gorgeous is rare. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but to be gorgeous you must have a timeless aura, a glow, a certain magnetism, and above all radiance. Gorgeous takes beautiful out to the alley and beats the hell out of it.

The hierarchy of physical attractiveness for females greatest to least is;

Gorgeous
Beautiful
Fine
Pretty
Good Looking
Cute

The hierarchy for males is;

Fine
Handsome
Good Looking
Cute

Handsome is the male equivalent to pretty. But if you notice there is no male equivalent for beautiful or gorgeous. Look women are special creatures and should have one additional level on the hierarchy but two seems like overkill right? Well, that’s because it is. Beautiful should be at the top of the hierarchy but then what do we do with gorgeous?

Gorgeous is basically the Mount Rushmore of beautiful. There are only 5 women that are gorgeous.

Josephine Baker
Liz Taylor
Sophia Loren
Lena Horne
Raquel Welch

THAT’S IT !!!


These women transcend time, and like I said you’re not going to run into them at the Publix in Decatur. These women have beauty that is legendary, mythical, absolute, and undeniable.

So ladies if a guy calls you gorgeous understand it’s to get you high so he can bring you low.

Sidebar:

These women have the potential to be gorgeous but that will be up to the next generation to decide.

Monica Belluci
Halle Berry
Liz Hurley
Megan Fox

I hate that I was late to the game on the “Cuddle Buddy” phenomenon

I use to think the term “cuddle buddy” was a euphemism for sex. I’d hear girls throw the term around and I’d think “these are good girls that want to do bad things, but desire to put a PG-13 label on it.”

As I matured and met new people I’ve learned that the term has nuance. It can mean anything from actually cuddling (clothes-on continual embrace) to full blown “circus sex.”

There are some women who actually crave the contact and closeness of cuddling without having their cavity searched. Go figure! At the end of a long day they really just want to be held.

So I have a very good female friend. I met her a few years back when I was in a committed monogamous long-distance relationship. I was instantly attracted but at the time I was being a good boy. She’s a real cool girl so we hung out sometimes, and eventually our relationship landed in the “friend zone.” We’ve stayed friends for years now, and have for the most part avoided those awkward moments that are endemic of a close male/female relationship.

So fast forward a few years later, we’re both single and she’s going through a “renaissance.” Renaissance is my word for when a girl is trying to find herself so she swears off relationships and sex for a little while to clear her head. We’re at lunch one day, and she floats the cuddle buddy gig past me.

In my mind I’m fairly certain I’m going to decline. Reason being, we really do have a solid friendship, one of the purist friendships I’ve ever had and it wouldn’t be worth muddying the waters. But because I’m the intellectually curious sort, I did want to know what the job would entail, so I shot her a few queries.

Question:
What type of guys would you be looking for?

Answer:
An attractive guy, with a good personality, fun to be around

Question:
So a gay guy couldn't do this?

Answer:
Hell No!

Question:
Does the guy have to be attracted to you physically?

Answer:
Yes, it would be good if he were into me. Ideally he likes me a little more than I like him. Somebody that's not overly aggressive

Question:
Can he have a girlfriend?

Answer:
No! I don’t know…. Maybe? It depends.

Question:
Can he be banging out chicks while he’s working for you as a cuddle buddy?
Would that disqualify him?

Answer:
Well, I’d rather he not be, but if he is, I don’t want to hear about it!

Question:
What can he touch?

Answer:
Huh?

Question:
What body parts can he touch?

Answer:
While we’re cuddling he can touch me. It would be great if he had really good hands.

Question:
What about kissing?

Answer:
I’m sure it would be some of that. You know sweet kisses.

Question:
Would you eventually have sex with this guy?

Answer:
No! I don’t know…. Maybe? It depends.

Question:
So you’re telling me you can be hugged up with a dude you’re attracted to, that is attracted to you for months on end; a dude with a good personality, good hands, patience, and apparently no girlfriend and not have sex with him?

Answer:
Okay, Okay. Yeah we’d probably do it.


So the end result of bad girl definition of cuddle buddies ends in sex, and the good girl definition of cuddle buddies also end in the same place. Obviously this is a Jedi mind trick that women play on themselves for piece of mind. But is there some good in this for men?

I dropped all the new data into the logical mind and arrived at the following.

A man that exercises patience and prudence reaps the benefits of: detached buns, which is regular sex without the responsibility of being the boyfriend. The economics are favorable too. You’re on call but you aren’t expected to plan dates and spend large sums of money. Most nights you can pick up some take out, hit Red Box for a movie, and you are GOLD!

The woman has the benefit of being in control, and getting her oil changed on a regular basis without all the relationship expectations. This is good for when woman are "in between" relationships, and is a decent substitute for an actual relationship.

And the societal benefit is that men, and women are getting their “stank-on” which promotes stress free living and overall wellness.

That is a Win/Win/Win. (3W)

A one time detractor of the cuddle buddy phenomenon has been converted into one of its staunchest supporters.

I hate the phrase "It is what IT is"

How would you feel if you were having a conversation with a friend, and you were discussing your job, or your family, you know, something that really matters? Your job is frustrating and your supervisor is demanding. A family member is placing an extraordinary burden on you. You share this with your friend in an attempt to gain some type of understanding or just some common relief if you will. And once you finish bitching to your friend he or she says “well you know blue is blue.”

Blue is blue? Really? Wouldn’t your first response to your friend be “ are you high?” It’s a ridiculous response right? So why is it acceptable at that very same moment to say, “It is what it is?”

I remember when I first heard that statement. I didn’t like the comment but it was a throw away. I didn’t allow it to bother me. I did some research then and found out that it was attributed to a NASCAR driver. Since then I’ve heard that Rodney Dangerfield would say it back in the 80’s. So that’s a redneck, and a comedian. I could live with it as long as the phrase stayed in those circles.

However, the phrase slowly started to seep into our daily lexicon. I started hearing it everywhere. It was starting to get absurd. USA Today proclaimed “It” the #1 cliché of 2004.

One day I’m watching an interview of the President of the United States. He was being questioned vigorously about the gridlock in Washington politics. He gave a very elegant, thoughtful, informative answer and then punctuated it with “it is what it is.”

I was crestfallen. This dumb, ignorant, hillbilly phrase fell from the lips of the leader of the free world. I couldn’t believe it. I knew then we’d never get rid of this phrase. It could not be murdered nor would it commit suicide. Like stupidity it would be with us forever!

Sidebar

I’m watching “Heat” a couple of weeks ago. Great movie; one of my favorites. There is a fantastic 5-minute scene towards the end where Pacino (cop) and Dinero (criminal) are having coffee at a diner. They are discussing what makes them tick, and they are foreshadowing their inevitable conflict. They start to discover that although they are diametrically opposing figures, they are essentially flip sides of the same coin. They seem to be embracing their kinship and then they go bottom line on each other. Pacino vows to take Dinero down no matter the fondness he developed over their conversation, and Dinero says. “It is what it is.” I guess I still hate the phrase, but I hate it now slightly less than I did before.