Saint Valentine's Day, often simply Valentine's Day, is a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentinus. It was first established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards known as "valentines".
In 2012 Valentine’s Day is still going strong. Its commercial appeal is at an all time high. An estimated $252 per couple is being spent this year to celebrate the gift of love. The buy-in is overwhelming. Women love it. Their relationship esteem is tied to it. God forbid nothing shows up for them at the office today. You’ll have a vagina revault on your hands that will make the Arab Spring look like two children arguing over who gets the last Capri-sun in the fridge.
Men wish they could opt-out of this ridiculous social arrangement, but at the end of the day, they know it’s not worth the hassle. Resistance is futile, so many just go along with the program. Or they find ways to create made-up fights around the turn of the year that suddenly get resolved right around St. Patty’s Day. Bad guys hate the "holiday." Men think (essentially) they are paying for sex with some kind of currency already. Valentine's Day makes the transaction overt and it pisses them off. Good guys hate the “holiday” because we are showing love all year round, and find it insulting that women choose to elevate this day over all other 24 hour periods in the year. Mike Wilbon said it best “Valentine’s Day is simply a chance for losers to get back in the game.” Winners know this.
When I was younger I tried to opt-out of Valentine’s Day. I approached it logically, but women still hated me for it. So I compromised, and would specifically plan awesome dates on February 13. They couldn’t get mad at that right? Wrong! So I finally broke down and performed my dumb manly duty, however I’d drop in a little sarcasm with it. This worked but I still felt hints of resentment.
In a perfect world this “holiday” would be abolished. It actually does more harm than good. Valentine’s Day does more to disrupt the due north register on more relationship compasses than anything I can think of. Insecure women get destroyed when their man doesn’t come through. Resentful men are vindictive and will always find a way to exact revenge in some small unseen way. Finally if everything goes well and Valentine’s Day is handled flawlessly by both parties, it raises the bar so high that February 15 can be no less than a major let down.
Let’s stop the madness now. We need to start a campaign to abolish this horrible creation. I suggest we have Karl Rove and his republican henchmen to wage war on Valentine’s Day. If anyone can take something that is seeming good and make it bad they can. These are the guys that re-branded the Estate Tax and turned it into the “Death Tax.” They turned increased taxes into “Class Warfare.” They turned democratic capitalism into “Chrony Capitalism.” We need Valentine’s Day defeated before it does irreputable harm. Rise up Republicans!
