I use to think the term “cuddle buddy” was a euphemism for sex. I’d hear girls throw the term around and I’d think “these are good girls that want to do bad things, but desire to put a PG-13 label on it.”
As I matured and met new people I’ve learned that the term has nuance. It can mean anything from actually cuddling (clothes-on continual embrace) to full blown “circus sex.”
There are some women who actually crave the contact and closeness of cuddling without having their cavity searched. Go figure! At the end of a long day they really just want to be held.
So I have a very good female friend. I met her a few years back when I was in a committed monogamous long-distance relationship. I was instantly attracted but at the time I was being a good boy. She’s a real cool girl so we hung out sometimes, and eventually our relationship landed in the “friend zone.” We’ve stayed friends for years now, and have for the most part avoided those awkward moments that are endemic of a close male/female relationship.
So fast forward a few years later, we’re both single and she’s going through a “renaissance.” Renaissance is my word for when a girl is trying to find herself so she swears off relationships and sex for a little while to clear her head. We’re at lunch one day, and she floats the cuddle buddy gig past me.
In my mind I’m fairly certain I’m going to decline. Reason being, we really do have a solid friendship, one of the purist friendships I’ve ever had and it wouldn’t be worth muddying the waters. But because I’m the intellectually curious sort, I did want to know what the job would entail, so I shot her a few queries.
Question:
What type of guys would you be looking for?
Answer:
An attractive guy, with a good personality, fun to be around
Question:
So a gay guy couldn't do this?
Answer:
Hell No!
Question:
Does the guy have to be attracted to you physically?
Answer:
Yes, it would be good if he were into me. Ideally he likes me a little more than I like him. Somebody that's not overly aggressive
Question:
Can he have a girlfriend?
Answer:
No! I don’t know…. Maybe? It depends.
Question:
Can he be banging out chicks while he’s working for you as a cuddle buddy?
Would that disqualify him?
Answer:
Well, I’d rather he not be, but if he is, I don’t want to hear about it!
Question:
What can he touch?
Answer:
Huh?
Question:
What body parts can he touch?
Answer:
While we’re cuddling he can touch me. It would be great if he had really good hands.
Question:
What about kissing?
Answer:
I’m sure it would be some of that. You know sweet kisses.
Question:
Would you eventually have sex with this guy?
Answer:
No! I don’t know…. Maybe? It depends.
Question:
So you’re telling me you can be hugged up with a dude you’re attracted to, that is attracted to you for months on end; a dude with a good personality, good hands, patience, and apparently no girlfriend and not have sex with him?
Answer:
Okay, Okay. Yeah we’d probably do it.
So the end result of bad girl definition of cuddle buddies ends in sex, and the good girl definition of cuddle buddies also end in the same place. Obviously this is a Jedi mind trick that women play on themselves for piece of mind. But is there some good in this for men?
I dropped all the new data into the logical mind and arrived at the following.
A man that exercises patience and prudence reaps the benefits of: detached buns, which is regular sex without the responsibility of being the boyfriend. The economics are favorable too. You’re on call but you aren’t expected to plan dates and spend large sums of money. Most nights you can pick up some take out, hit Red Box for a movie, and you are GOLD!
The woman has the benefit of being in control, and getting her oil changed on a regular basis without all the relationship expectations. This is good for when woman are "in between" relationships, and is a decent substitute for an actual relationship.
And the societal benefit is that men, and women are getting their “stank-on” which promotes stress free living and overall wellness.
That is a Win/Win/Win. (3W)
A one time detractor of the cuddle buddy phenomenon has been converted into one of its staunchest supporters.
