If someone asked you what your thoughts were concerning prison what would you say? My guess is you’d say something along the lines of “I don’t even want to think about it. I can’t imagine anything worse.” The first thing you would think of would be the loss of freedom; freedom to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and wherever you want to do it at. I guess we can all agree that freedom is important. Saying we hold freedom dearly would be a gross understatement. It’s the one word that pretty much defines our way of life. Why would we voluntarily give freedom away? Why would we just hand it over willy-nilly; without a fight, without some to type of epic battle or struggle? So why on Gods green earth, would any person of sound mind inprisome him/herself by choosing to get married? Or better yet, why would we choose to get married when being single is a fantastic and very viable alternative?
I can hear it now. I know what most of you are thinking right about now. Marriage doesn’t mean giving up your freedom. And I retort, if that’s not the case then riddle me this, why are all my married friends begging me not to do it? Yea, I know. It’s crazy. But when I talk to my married buddies and share with them some of the crumbs of the plate of my single existence, they are mesmerized. They can’t believe how good I have it; I can hear the envy in their voices. They wished they had made their single time a little longer. They would love to be me for a day. They’d even take an hour here or there if they could. These guys have been neutered. It’s unbelievable. These once great men, captains of industry, masters of their domain, are now mental midgets, pencil necked geeks if you will, beaten down worse than the Mulkey Brother on a Saturday morning at the Omni. (Wrestling Reference).
The funny thing about it all is that these guys went out and got a license to do this. This didn’t happen by accident. Oh no! They weren’t duped or tricked. They willingly did this. They checked the landscape and felt this was a necessary move. They felt like this was the next logical step. They felt like doing this somehow would enhance them.
The law in most states (save Vegas) is designed to give the two parties (husband/wife) ample time to change their minds. There are waiting periods, and drug test, and the like, all there as boundaries to thwart whimsical stupidity. The fact that one has to get a license marks the end of love and the being of institution life. Why a license? The license is actually ironic. Usually a license affords you some freedoms. Take for example a drivers license. You can’t wait to get it. When you do, you get the freedom of independence. No more going to Mom and Dad and asking them to take you someplace. You can do it yourself. You’re no longer a burden to others.
When a mortgage broker gets a license to do business in a particular state, the entire state is opened to him. That license gives him freedom to work. However the marriage license has no tangible benefit. The freedoms you once had are stripped from you. You can’t go when you want to go. You have to ask permission. You all like to call it notification but let’s call it what it is PERMISSION.
Marriage is not a win/win. Marriage is a lose/lose. We may as well call the marriage license a license to lose. OK what are we losing? You lose the ability to think independently, you can’t talk intimately to the opposite sex, you can’t flirt, you can’t be friendly, you can’t move without checking in, you can’t smile, you can’t be funny, look at the opposite sex, be attracted to someone, find someone funny. All are against the sacred marriage law. The most important thing we lose is the ability to be alone. Being alone is so natural. In fact I’m sure many don’t remember this but you were actually born alone. And if you take a little peek into the future you’re going to die that way too.
