I hate LaDainian Tomlinson

Just because your first name starts with an L, and your last name starts with a T doesn't give you the right to call yourself “LT” especially if you play professional football. We've let this slide long enough. LaDainian Tomlinson is not “LT” There is only ONE “LT”. His name is Lawrence Taylor, and he is the best defensive player in NFL history. You can't steal his name because your parents gave you a dumb name like LaDainian and it's too hard and arduous for people to pronounce. People at NFL Network should be ashamed of themselves for falling for the banana in the tailpipe. So henceforth LaDainian Tomlinsons....your nickname is LD.

Similarly there is a NASCAR driver going around calling himself Jimmie Johnson. He obviously thinks it's okay because he spells it with an 'IE' instead of the 'Y'. It's NOT okay Jimmie! There is only ONE Jimmy Johnson and he is the former coach of the National Champion Miami Hurricanes, and the World Champion Dallas Cowboys. So henceforth Jimmie Johnson your name is JJ or DoubleJ.

Look... Wallace from “The Wire” got it right. His parents named him Michael Jordan. He knew that wouldn't fly so he acts under the name Michael B. Jordan.

Dumb Dwight Howard got it wrong when he stole the Superman moniker from Shaq. First of all Shaq was still playing... Secondly Shaq has a large Superman tattoo on his bicep.... Thirdly Dwight could have easily chose Iron Man which is a better fit especially when he plays for a team now that’s colors are red and yellow.

History, literally teaches us this lesson. The 2^nd President of the United States was John Adam.... The 6^th President was John Adams, but he branded himself John Quincy Adams. If he can do it Tomlinson and Johnson can also acquiesce.

A few years back I was at home, and had the television going in the background. The Kentucky Derby was on. I heard the sportscaster say “Stay tuned we have a special report coming up from Randy Moss.” I had to do a retake. I hit the DVR and listened to it again... Did he say Randy Moss? Oh shit.... Randy Moss is into horse racing. I knew he was from West Virginia, but this is some out of the box stuff. The entire 4 minutes of commercial time was filled with excitement. Can you believe my chagrin when NBC went back to the Derby, and Randy Moss was a white bald pasty dude? WTF! Dude. Randy Moss is one of the most recognizable names in sports. I don't care what your parents named you.... You have a moral obligation to change it once someone takes it to heights you'll never be able to achieve. But wait there's more. This dude had the audacity to start working NFL beats, and doing NFL games. Are you serious? Unforgivable dude... Unforgivable... So henceforth Randy Moss your new name is Blank Hole!