I hate the term "Patently Untrue"

 

　

Sometimes I wish there were a vaccine that inoculated us from nostalgia. The older we get the more memories we create,and the more susceptible we become to reminiscences. These thought detours announce themselves obscurely. So..... the other day, I have “Morning Joe” on in the background and I hear the term “patently untrue” in regards to some gotcha moment reveal. I start to think... I'm hearing this term a lot lately, but I didn't hear it much when I was young. I then authorize a dissent into the rabbit hole, wondering what has “patently untrue” replaced (if anything) in our evolving lexicon? The hole revealed that “patently untrue” had replaced “categorically false” and I was surprised to notice the slight of hand saddened me a bit.

　

Little had I known “categorically false” left an impression on me as a youth. I grew up in Washington DC, and as one could imagine, there was no shortage of scandal in the nations capital. I was an avid reader of both the Post and the Star, Marion Barry was our mayor, and Ronald Reagan was our president. The 80's were a tempest for corruption.

　

I had no clue “categorically false” was hijacked til I got the ransom note from “patently untrue.”

On it's face “categorically false” does leave a little to be desired. If one is accused of several misdeeds and his/her rebuttal is to deny them categorically it could be reasoned as an admission of one or more of the misdeeds.

　

But... did “categorically false” need to be replaced? And furthermore is this “New Coke” better than “Original Coke?

　

This new fangled Y2K version “patently untrue” feels a bit cold. It's an admission to nothing. It's childish. I wouldn't be surprised to discover its origins were rooted in the canon of Pee Wee Herman's “I know you are but what am I?”

　

I've never embraced the word "untrue" because it feels abstract. It's akin to asking someone if they liked something and they respond "kinda." WTF does "kinda" mean. Either you liked it or you didn't like it. It's the crutch we use when we haven't decided, we don't want to offend, or we don't know where the line of questioning is leading. We say "kinda" so there won't be consequence. "Untrue" feels like that to me.

“Patently Untrue” basically asserts “YOU made up these allegations AGAINST ME because you are trying to destroy me.”

　

It's the “Dynasty” “Dallas”  and “Falcon Crest” of DENIALS !!!!!

　

Not even an admission that "something" happened. No nuance, no dichotomy, and no HE SAID/SHE SAID. It's as if the event (in their mind) never happened. Where is the fun in that?

So just know that anytime I hear the term "patently untrue" my mind auto-corrects it to "categorically false"!!!!

I hate Animal Rights

 

 

Did you know that the ASPCA, the American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals was founded in 1866? Just one year after the 13^th Amendment to the US Constitution was ratified abolishing slavery, and just three short years after Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation. I can’t be the only person that finds the timing of this conspicuous?  Slavery barely in the rearview mirror and folk had moved on to protections and safeguards for Lassie, Mr. Ed, and Bambi. 

 People, of their own volition, chose to create an organization for the sole purpose of protecting animal rights when human rights were still hanging in the balance.  Blacks and women still couldn’t vote, they still weren’t considered equals, and some felt it vitally important, at the time, to make sure animals had a voice, that animals had someone to champion their cause.  How ridiculous does this sound to you in 2015?... now multiply it by a thousand for those struggling for human rights in 1866.

 I’m a big believer in priorities.  I’m rational. How could animal rights be a priority in 1866?  The nation had just come through its most difficult self-inflicted wound. Couldn’t those finite resources have been used in a better space?  Couldn’t that time have been used to create a wellness plan for our fragile union? Free market thinking is great when it comes to business and technological advances but, it is lacking when it comes to fixing social ills, and can often be a smoke screen that diverts real attention away from real issues. 

We really need someone to create a social hierarchy so that resources can be properly allocated, so that finite resources aren’t wasted in flights of fancy or on far less serious matters.  Can we imagine a world where insect cancer is given a higher priority than human cancer, where a scrape on a bicycler’s knee is attended to in an emergency room before a gunshot wound? 

Those that chose animals over humans in 1866 should be ashamed of themselves.  The problem is they are not alone.  In 2015 there are over 35 international groups whose sole charge is to fight for the rights of animals.  It always fascinates me when I see large demonstrations of people organizing to protect animals.  I often wonder where the self-awareness is?  Where is the humanity?  Where is the respect?  People get treated as less than human every day.  How is this not the highest breach of humanity?  How can it be that the contrast is not distinct and resolute? How can humans overlook humans for animal’s sake? Animal activist seek humane treatment and protected status, but guess what... animals aren't HUMAN so treating them humanely is a flight of fancy. 

The hypocrisy is palpable, and yet it often goes unseen, un-smelled, and un-tasted. Dog fighting is illegal, and can’t be wagered on, but boxing and MMA are imbedded in our cultural fabric, and is provided as entertainment to the masses.  We can kill animals for food, and clothing; we can use animals for transportation, and entertainment in the form of horse racing.  The contradictions are dubious at best.

 

 

Logically animals appear to be an inferior prey, put here to serve the purpose of humans, so why would they need rights? The only conclusion I can come to is that they don’t need rights.  They only have rights because the ruling class at the time chose animals they love over people they despise.  A few weeks back a lion got shot and killed on SAFARI and it gained international notice.  Humans get shot and killed in SOCIETY every day, and barely get a second look.  Human life is becoming more and more de-valued.  Human life is moving down the importance meter.  It’s most devastating because human life should be the most precious thing to HUMANS.

 

 

I Hate House Fires

 

I hate house fires.... Who doesn't right? Not newsworthy, probably not even blog-worthy. Which leads to my point. Why are house fires considered news?

Consider this... Networks get to broadcast the news for free. This opportunity was afforded because the thought was a democracy should/must have a free press. That free press needs a vehicle to report its finding to the public. And by giving time to networks without cost there wouldn't be any need to commercialize news for profit. This will insure adequate checks and balances, leading to an informed democracy, and an informed democracy is the best democracy.

Noble concept, however somewhere along the way, networks decided to add “ human interest stories” to the news rundowns. The masses subsequently responded favorably. This was the tipping point. Now news is 95% human interest and 5% news. Sure murders, suicides, robberies, abductions, car chases are all terrible, but are they news?

I use house fire as the example because it's the most egregious. A house fire affects one singular family, and that by definition can't be news. There has to be more than a handful of stake-holders for something to be considered newsworthy. Terrible YES. News NO. Yet and still, it's being broadcast as news.

If you think about it... A house fire is equivalent to a house flood. It's leaves the families home uninhabitable, the family destitude, and in dispair. Yet I have never seen a news story about a singular house flooding.

When I moved to Atlanta I wanted to be part of the community, and learn more about my new city, so I subscribed to the Atlanta Journal Constitution newspaper. I quickly unsubscribed when I “learned” that local High School football passes for front page (above the fold) news in this neck of the woods.

I applaud people like Aaron Sorkin, and HBO who created, developed, and aired a TV show about the NEWS. “Newsroom” was a great TV show, that unfortunately only aired 3 seasons. Sorkin has a deep and profound appetite for truth, and he knows that most of the world has lost it's taste for serious worldly subject matter. It's sad.

He, like I, understand that news is a zero sum game. If murders, and house fires are being reported then more serious matter are not.

The news should be important to our highest selves not our human base. Human interest is good, but just because something is interesting to the public doesn't mean it is in the PUBLIC'S INTEREST.

I hate when women offer to pay the TIP

 

When I was a poor college kid just getting by, I went with a few friends down to Georgetown. We wanted to treat ourselves to a nice meal, so we decided to go to Sequoia. It's right there on the waterfront with a perfect view of the Kennedy Center. This place quickly became my “closing” spot in DC. Gentlemen if you live in DC trust me... This is the spot where you can put some serious points on the scoreboard, but I digress. So we ate at this fine dining establishment. Filled our bellies, the check came. I grabbed it so I could divide it up and as I scanned the bill I asked aloud....Who ordered the GRATIUTY? I had no idea what gratuity was...all I knew was it was pricey. BYGONES...

So fellas...picture this you've asked a female out for a meal. Could be friend, someone you're trying to get close to, co-worker or acquaintance. You go out. You're having a great time. Conversation is flowing, good vibes are permeating and happy feelings are everywhere. At the end of the meal the server brings the bill. Lays it down in front of you because you look the part. Society dictates that you pay. A) because you invited her...and B) because you're a man. MEN... We have accepted this. We hold this truth to be self-evident. We have no qualms with it. In fact we enjoy it. It's expected of a gentleman. Any self respecting man grabs that check... pulls out his wallet, and pays the piper.... No questions asked....no strings attached. IT'S WHAT WE DO.

WHAT WE HATE is when the lady we're treating asks “how much it was?”...”I want to know so I can leave the tip” What the fuck is this? What kind of 15% Jedi Mind Trick is this? I consider myself a pretty intelligent dude and for the life of me I can't figure out why women don't understand that we hate this. I know what they are trying to do...they are trying to let us know that they appreciate the meal, and they are trying to get rid of the guilt of not asking to go DUTCH, so they think “putting something on it” will be sufficient. They don't understand it's insulting to us.

We asked you out. Obviously we can afford to pay for the meal. If the TIP is going to be the “tipping point” why invite someone out? When a man buys flowers or chocolates you don't ask the total so you can pay 15% …..so why a meal? And by the way... paying the tip isn't even paying for a portion of the meal. You're not really giving me anything back for your portion of the meal.. What you're doing is paying the stranger that brought out the food. So let me get this straight... I invite you out. I show you a nice time. I pay for the food/drinks etc.... and you give money to the help...to show ME your appreciation. Seriously...how do you not know that this is a terrible idea?

When men get together and share a meal NO ONE SAYS I'll get the TIP.... and when WOMEN get together NO ONE SAYS I'll get the TIP.

Look... I know it's hard. You want to be treated well. You don't always want to go DUTCH, and yet in still you don't want to give men the wrong impression. I get it. So here's what you do. I call this the 20% rule. If you spend time with a generous person that picks up the tab regularly EVERY 5^th outing take care of the bill. Or invite him out for coffee or a movie and tell him you're treating...Also pay attention. The guy isn't going to offer to pay the tip...Which should be the greatest indicator that you never should either.

I hate LaDainian Tomlinson

Just because your first name starts with an L, and your last name starts with a T doesn't give you the right to call yourself “LT” especially if you play professional football. We've let this slide long enough. LaDainian Tomlinson is not “LT” There is only ONE “LT”. His name is Lawrence Taylor, and he is the best defensive player in NFL history. You can't steal his name because your parents gave you a dumb name like LaDainian and it's too hard and arduous for people to pronounce. People at NFL Network should be ashamed of themselves for falling for the banana in the tailpipe. So henceforth LaDainian Tomlinsons....your nickname is LD.

Similarly there is a NASCAR driver going around calling himself Jimmie Johnson. He obviously thinks it's okay because he spells it with an 'IE' instead of the 'Y'. It's NOT okay Jimmie! There is only ONE Jimmy Johnson and he is the former coach of the National Champion Miami Hurricanes, and the World Champion Dallas Cowboys. So henceforth Jimmie Johnson your name is JJ or DoubleJ.

Look... Wallace from “The Wire” got it right. His parents named him Michael Jordan. He knew that wouldn't fly so he acts under the name Michael B. Jordan.

Dumb Dwight Howard got it wrong when he stole the Superman moniker from Shaq. First of all Shaq was still playing... Secondly Shaq has a large Superman tattoo on his bicep.... Thirdly Dwight could have easily chose Iron Man which is a better fit especially when he plays for a team now that’s colors are red and yellow.

History, literally teaches us this lesson. The 2^nd President of the United States was John Adam.... The 6^th President was John Adams, but he branded himself John Quincy Adams. If he can do it Tomlinson and Johnson can also acquiesce.

A few years back I was at home, and had the television going in the background. The Kentucky Derby was on. I heard the sportscaster say “Stay tuned we have a special report coming up from Randy Moss.” I had to do a retake. I hit the DVR and listened to it again... Did he say Randy Moss? Oh shit.... Randy Moss is into horse racing. I knew he was from West Virginia, but this is some out of the box stuff. The entire 4 minutes of commercial time was filled with excitement. Can you believe my chagrin when NBC went back to the Derby, and Randy Moss was a white bald pasty dude? WTF! Dude. Randy Moss is one of the most recognizable names in sports. I don't care what your parents named you.... You have a moral obligation to change it once someone takes it to heights you'll never be able to achieve. But wait there's more. This dude had the audacity to start working NFL beats, and doing NFL games. Are you serious? Unforgivable dude... Unforgivable... So henceforth Randy Moss your new name is Blank Hole!

I Hate Death

I recently lost Grady. She was my Steward, my Mentor, my Friend.

I was taught from a young age that death is the final step in life and is not something to be distraught over. I believe this. We all, at some point, must shed our mortal coil. My mind knows this to be true, but yet and still I feel stung.

We are all born....we are all created equal...but some...some.....through pure will and determination decide that their life will be exceptional. And through that choice they will not die equal. When we lose someone of that ilk it feels different. When someone truly great dies it should hurt!

Grady was the most unique woman I ever met. My mom, and grand mom were strong women on the inside, but Grady was strong inside and out. She would make a strong man's knees buckle. Seeing this, I was immediately attracted to her.

She was “Pushback” “Thrive” “Bossypants” and “Lean In” before they were ever written. A lady, living in a mans world that innately knew what it took to be the best of both.

She was a standard bearer, a force of nature, that led through sheer force of will.

Her wisdom was pristine. She knew how to read people, and she knew human nature was usually the catalyst and/or result of most decisions. Her simplicity was genius.

In a world full of takers Grady was a giver. And she could afford to be a giver because she was a producer first and foremost.

I was recently re-reading “The 48 Laws of Power” and while reading I was reflecting on influential people in my life. It was amazing how many times Grady came to mind.

The chapter “Re-create Yourself” …......Grady

“Despise the Free Lunch” ….........Grady

“Assume Formlessness”..........Grady

“Stir up water to catch fish”

“Keep others in suspended terror”

“Never outshine the Master”

Grady.... Grady..... Grady.

Keep in mind this was a woman born in 1927.

My favorite thing about Grady was her quick wit, and sense of humor. Everyone that knew and loved her did an impression of her. Her melodic tone, blended with a distinct cadence, hummed to a snappy rhythm. I can hear it now.... When someone seemed overwhelmed and in over their heads she'd say “He was a lost ball in high weeds.”

I remember going to a ceremony with her where there were bed sheets on a dining table instead of table clothes.... without missing a beat she quipped “We're living in (President) Hoover's time.”

No doubt my life was made better and more enjoyable because of the years I was blessed to know her.

Today I hate death because it took Grady away.

I hate when the punishment doesn’t fit the crime

 

Clippers owner Donald Sterling is stupid….he is ignorant…..he is arrogant…but is he a racist? Can a man be a racist that hires and employs Elgin Baylor for 22 years?  Can he be a racist when he allows his point guard (Chris Paul) to stage a coup ousting a white coach (Vinnie Del Negro) for a black one (Doc Rivers)?

When I was done listening to the TMZ recordings I didn’t think racist at all.  Sterling said some inflammatory things in the privacy of his home (purchased for his mistress), but did they rise to racism or hate speech?  I think not.  Should he be forced to sell his team? NO.

After I heard the recording I wished that his mistress had about 40 more IQ points because it could have led to a fascinating conversation on the state of race in America.  I wished his mistress was a Rula Jebreal or Michelle Bernard because then the conversation would have been less entertaining and more substantive. 

I’m torn (as a black man) because it was damn cool to the see the player show solidarity, and use soft power to achieve their goal.  In the midst of last week’s media circus I jotted down 10 words that I felt defined the proceedings.

OCTOGENARIAN

Mr. Sterling is 81 years of age.  He was born in the 1930’s.  He was 33 years old when blacks were given the right to vote.  He was born when there was a very real “caste system” in America.   He has lived through Jim Crowe, segregation, separate but equal, integration, Negro, colored, black, African American.  Things/changes we take for granted today, he had to learn, and re-learn.  My grandfather is an octogenarian, and there is no way I would want his conversations taped, and released to the masses for consumption.

ARISTOCRACY

Wealthy, well to do, people live differently than ordinary people.  Sterling has a wife, and open side-piece.  He has a very public life with both.  No one bats an eye. It’s accepted.  It’s commonplace. Not unlike Arabs that take multiple wives, he’s accustomed to buying things instead of asking for them.  He’s accustomed to people around him doing what he demands because their livelihood often depends on it. 

OWNERSHIP

Maybe the NBA should adopt the term CEO for their club proprietors instead of “owner”? Maybe they should come up with a better term than “Free Agency” when player’s contracts are up?  Maybe they should get rid of those “Property Of” practice t-shirts that players wear?

Make no mistake powerful people often in a show of hubris say things like “If it weren’t for me they would be nothing” “I made you” “You wouldn’t be shit without me” so when a powerful check signer says “I feed them, I buy their cars, I buy their homes”,  it doesn’t sound racist to me. It sounds rich!

SVENGALI

Men have sought to control women since time immemorial.  And men who have lots of money do a better job than us ordinary Joes.  When you buy food, car, and home for a woman you own her.  If she’s not bringing any finances to the situation then she has allowed herself to become an accessory to the man.  She becomes a living breathing piece of furniture.  Sterling had every right to believe that he could speak freely in front of his “furniture” without recourse.

When you are in a relationship your other half is a direct reflection on you.  I’m a single guy, and know that If I’m in a relationship I can’t die my hair purple without having a conversation about it, because when we go out…she got to deal with my purple hair.  She got to deal with her friends asking question about my purple hair.  My purple hair becomes her purple hair. 

Sterling never said don’t associate with minorities.  He said don’t publicize it, (because my racist friends will give me shit about it.)

You can best believe if my grandma knew what Facebook was, and could get to my account, and saw lots of pictures with me and white women … she would say…. Baby don’t you know any good black girls?  Baby why do you only have pictures with white woman?  And she would feel some type of way about it!  Prejudice lies dormant in each and every one of us.

 

INSECURE

Old men are insecure when they are dating young women for obvious reasons.  Powerful black men are insecure because they wonder if they are still looked down on by powerful white men. 

Magic Johnson caught feelings about this because a rich white man was telling a rich black man he was common/ordinary.  It felt a little like when Oprah got her feeling hurt in Europe a few years back.  It’s the “Oh not me…I have enough money that I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore.” (Syndrome)

Magic is beloved however.  His was the wrong name to mention.  If Sterling had left Magic alone he would probably have survived this.

PRIVACY

Imagine this for a moment. Sterling is 3 persons removed from a Saudi who hates America.  His phones are tapped by the NSA.  A Laker’s fan is the tech administering the wire-tap.  The Laker Tech loves Magic, and leaks the recording.  Where are we at now?  How do we feel about it now? Do we think there is injustice now?

NIGGER

At this point I haven’t heard Sterling, on any of these recordings; use the N-word to describe the players that work for him. But a few months back Matt Barnes, a Clipper player, tweeted that his team mates were N-words, and he only received a fine.

 

LARRY BIRD

Poor Larry Bird, just weeks after he had to relive the “BAD BOYS” documentary he gets brought in to the nonsensical conversation between an old fart and a young side-piece.  Bird can’t catch a break.  He is the Mario Andretti of white basketball players.  You know how when someone is driving real fast and you say… who do you think you are? … Mario Andretti.  Bird is now that… Great white basketball player…. Who do you think you are? ….. Larry Bird.   As the old racist black guys in the barber shop of “Coming to America” said… “That’s their ONE.”

OPTICS

There is an important distinction between someone being told not to associate with a group of people as opposed to being told not to publicize an association with that group.  It’s not semantics.  It’s real.  Back in 2008 then Senator Obama’s campaign got in a bit of hot water because they removed a couple of Arab women from a photo op in Detroit.  It wasn’t about the women.  It was about the optics. Everyone has to live in their own reality.  Everyone has to deal with their own peer group, and everyone tries to avoid giving other people fodder when possible. 

HYPERBOLE

I really couldn’t believe how much play this story got.  On the racism scale from 1 to 10 this was a 2, but it got treated like a 10.  I was fully expecting a hefty fine (stupidity tax) and a suspension through the remainder of the playoffs.  When the commission said banned “FOR LIFE” I was shocked.  Blacks rejoiced. Not sure why, but it reminded me of the rejoicing over the OJ verdict.  What is the rejoicing really for?  Justice did not prevail then and it didn’t prevail now.  Both outcomes ring very hollow.