I hate Equality

 

 

Equality is a myth, and the quest for it is unattainable. This is true because there is no standard ruler to measure equality. Equality is in the eye of the beholder, and just like beauty is very subjective.

 “All men are created equal” is prose...it's poetry...it's a fiction. Each person is born into a unique set of circumstances and that by definition is unequal. Equality is a mission statement not a bottom line.

We often confuse ourselves unnecessarily with equality, when we should really concentrate on the pursuit of happiness. Equality is a “them” thing, while happiness is a “me” thing. We can't control them but we can always control me.

Think about it.  As adults when we have a serious decision to make, and we're talking to a friend or associate about it.  We often use the qualifier "all things being equal..." We do this because no two opportunities or consequences can be the same/EQUAL.  If they were the same then there would only be ONE and consequently no decision to be made.

 

Inequality is standard...so why do we bristle at it so much? It's because we wrestle with the word “fairness” way too often. For some reason we're taught as children that fairness is good, and that treating people fairly is proper. Then we're thrust into a world that is replete with unfairness, and it's a total shock to the system. We believe children are innocents so we speak to them in very innocent vanilla terms. We give them utopian ideas that are useless in a dystopian world. We set them up for failure.

 

Nowhere is this failure more obviously than in American race relations. Equal is a math term so no wonder numbers are constantly being used to prove inequality. The most prevelent data point is wages where blacks make less than whites on average, but no one tells you that asians make more that whites because that will skew the narrative. The 2 major functions of wage is education, and entreprenuership, but those aren't sexy topics. So we argue about equality of wages without discussing the root cause of it. Think about it..It's never going to be the SAME for everyone. If everyone made the same wage would there still be inequality? Why yes...of course...because there is no such thing as EQUALITY.

People can't be equal because we all are one of one. We fight for something that is impossible to obtain, and in many cases we make the good the enemy of the (unachievable) perfect. Think about it. Do you think all white people are treated equally? Think about it. In your home you have siblings that are better and worse than you, and more importantly your parents treat you all differently on an individual basis...so why would you expect more from a country, than your very own family?

Think about it. Most of the inequality/injustice that creates true outrage is within law enforcement. Over the last 10 years, save the Trayvon Martin shooting (quasi-law enforcement), and the Church Massacre in Charleston, all the inequality that America has had a visceral reaction to has been due to law enforcement. Truths are muddied during law enforcement encounters because law enforcement usually doesn't show up in places without invitation from citizens. Interpersonal disagreements that require law enforcements intervention never end well.  

Not sure about you, but as a person that has assimilated... my run-ins with law enforcement are few and far between. I don't put myself in situations that law enforcement has to decide my fate. I understand that law enforcement is primative so I strive to avoid sub-optimal encounters.

Listen. I live in America. I know that in America people have differing perspectives about everything including race. I know it's often a harder life for people of color.  As a black man I'm keenly aware of that but I also understand that in 2018 I'm free in America. I can wake up in the morning, and leave the home I've bought, get in the car I've bought, drive to the bank and withdraw money from my account, and drive anywhere I want to in this country with NO obstacle. Could I encounter neanderthal jerks on my journey?...of course. But I live in a country where it's not illegal to be that. And I'm okay with that. Just don't interrupt my ability to do commerce and pursue legal happiness and you can be whatever you choose to be.

 I'm okay with being treated unfairly... it's unavoidable.  I draw the line at being treated illegally.  .

 

I hate protesting the protester

 

 It's the age old question...if 300 white supremacists buy tiki torches and decide to march on Charlottesville do they make a sound...if the media doesn't show up?

Back in August the media serving as promoter made sure all wolf tickets were sold for the “Thrill in Charlottesville.”  They made sure this event would be standing room only...making it must see TV.

Why would the media do this? Hummmm. They did it because race sells. And quasi-news organizations like FOX, MSNBC, and CNN are slaves to ratings and advertisers. Is 300 powerless people meeting in a land of 300 million news...especially when 538 powerful people meet regularly and CSPAN's ratings stay in the toilet?

The media announced the fight, sold all the tickets, and then for weeks hyped it. Don King couldn't have done it any better.

Let's strip away all the hyperbole to examine what was really at play here. Charlottesville was doing the right thing by removing a public statue of Robert E. Lee the general of a treasonous group of confederates that fought in opposition to America for the sole purpose of extending the rule of slavery. 300 people disagreed with the statues removal and legally obtained a permit to protest. The 300 people just so happen to think that white people are the "superior race" and are being treated unfairly in 2017 America.

How is this a big deal? How does this rise to national news relevance? What if the 300 people were vegans (because many vegans think they are better than us carnivores), and treated unfairly because they have to live in a declining world where the food industry is putting our climate in peril. If the protesting group were vegan is this a blip on the news radar, and more importantly do hundreds of people show up to protest the protesters?

Think about it. When has protesting the protesters ever worked? In America we have the right to protest and assemble peacefully? The people showing up to protest the protest are the bully. I know you don't want to hear it but it's true. When you work to suppress freedom of expression, and freedom of speech you chip away at the constitution.

Think about it. In the 60's when blacks were peacefully protesting and angry whites showed up to suppress freedom of expression and freedom of speech. Who was the bully?

The constitution has to work for everyone or it works for no one.

Freedom unfortunately means that some will choose to be idiots because they have a right to do so. Those that find it distasteful have the right to ignore them.  Protesting the protester only muddies the water.  When you seek to suppress their freedom you give them what they want. 

Imagine a world where 300 stupid, ignorant, worthless people meet, and no cameras show up, and no one shows up in opposition, and no one dies a senseless death...A world where people go about their business on a lazy Saturday, and do things constructive and meaningful. A world where the media doesn't show pictures of people we don't care about... A world where we refuse to be puppets... A world where we ignore ignorance...A world where we concentrate on us instead of what we think others feel about us. A world where all the time protested could be used to teach, build, and mentor. OH WHAT A WORLD THIS COULD BE!!!

 

I hate the Littlefinger death arc

I’m not a big fan of fantasy literature.  I’ve never read/seen Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings… so in 2017 that would make me a bit of an outlier especially since I love books and movies.  Fantasy just isn’t my thing unless you make it naughty and then it’s right up my alley.  HEY NOW!  Just never been attracted to fantasy.  Like blondes… I understand the appeal… it’s just not my cup of tea. 

Anyway… friends over the last couple of years have begged me to binge Game of Thrones.  I’d say okay, and then never follow through.  It had started to become an annual ritual.  The premier date of the new season would get released and I’d start getting calls and texts.  This year the calls and texts stopped and of course that’s when I made up my mind to catch-up.  I was all stealthy like… never mentioned it to anyone… just started one day in April.  And OMG… I was hooked from episode 1.  SPOILER ALERT…at the end of episode 1 a grown man pushes a boy from a tower window because he witnessed said grown man having K-9 monkey-sex with his very own TWIN SISTER. 

Game of Thrones is not just fantasy.  The show is excellent, very well written, and a visual feast.  The characters are so rich.  If watching intently one can’t help but have favorites.  Of course being a sociopath (high functioning) I’m drawn to the more dark sinister characters.  I always feel they are more honest and interesting.  This character of Lord Petyr Baelish aka “Littlefinger” caught my eye on several occasions as a scene stealer and then as a personal avatar for how I’d play the game. The title Game of Thrones elicits thoughts of chess, and of all the characters he is by far the grandmaster.  Born of little renown he rose to prominence by sheer force of will and determination.  On the board I envision him as a Knight that was moving towards being a Rook. Littlefinger became my guy.  I rooted for him although I know him sitting on the Iron Throne is the longest of long shots. 

So I caught up one week before the season 7 premier.  I was so happy.  I started making calls and texting friends.  When I told them I was Team Littlefinger… let’s just say I found no teammates.  They were all Jon Snow or Dany Targaryen bots.  Not sure why people root so hard for the high-borns but I digress. 

As season 7 started to progress I got the feeling that my guy wasn’t long for this earth and that he’d be shedding his mortal coil sooner than later.  After episode 4 I had reconciled that Littlefinger probably wouldn’t make it to season 8 and that Arya would be the kill instrument.  I was okay with this.  Arya is a major character and in this world Littlefinger deserved a proper death.  Arya killing him would be quite proper.  Keep in mind it was Littlefingers opening salvo that started the Game of Thrones in the first place.

I needed Littlefinger’s death to be brilliant, and done masterfully.  When Bran parroted Littlefinger’s life motto “CHAO IS A LADDER” in episode 4 I said “OH SHIT game on.” I was so looking forward to how this would develop over the next 3 episodes, but what I got was an elaborate game of 3 Card Monte that made the eventual kill unsatisfying.  When I tell people this, they think I’m just hurt because my guy is gone, but that’s not the case.  I knew all along that this was a Jon/Dany story, but there is something to say for how a great story arrives at its denouement. 

Three weeks and one re-watch later and I still feel like we could have been given better. 

Imagine after the Littlefinger/Bran scene in episode 4, Littlefinger being freaked-out by Brans knowledge of a private conversation that happened between he and Varys 4 years prior goes to Sansa and says something like… “Hey your brother is weird…I’m taking my army back to the Vail.”  Sansa needing him to stay because A. she needs his army, and B. she needs him at Winterfell so she can have him killed, uses her feminine wiles to keep him thirsty.  She touches his arm, and says something like “Petyr we need your army here… I need you here.”  He’d stay and then we’d think A. Sansa is going down her 3^rd awful road or B. Sansa is spinning a web. We’d be invested in both equally. 

Then in episode 5 when Arya is following Littlefinger around we could have been shown those same conversation but with Sansa information hunting.  And still we’d be none the wiser but still very invested.  Instead we got fake drama between Arya and Sansa that is untrue to their natures.  For heaven sake they had just reconnected after being astranged for 6+ years, and we’re supposed to expect them to be on the verge of murder in 2 episodes.  Not plausible. 

We also could have been given a scene where Arya speaks to Bran and says something like… “I’m worried about Sansa being played by Littlefinger” and Bran could say” I’d be more worried for Littlefinger”… again giving us a little of the truth but not enough to convince us. 

My biggest gripe is that Littlefinger died on a very small part of the board.  I would have loved to see a scene like…

The morning of his execution Littlefinger is shaving... looking in the mirror…“Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves is playing in the background… and he’s seeing the entire board, he’s already removed Arya (so he thinks), and he’s thinking 2-3-4 moves ahead to Jon/Dany/Cersei.  What is his next move? He’s playing the game EVERYWHERE as he’s been apt to say.  Then how great would the Winterfell Hall scene had been when the tables were turned by Sansa and Arya? 

If these 4 scenes had been added and the Sansa finding Arya’s faces scene had been cut we still would have had a very satisfying result, and the lead-up would have been more attractive to the Littlefinger haters and lovers.  If played out this way Sansa would have been elevated as a real player.  As it turns out now we have no idea if Sansa was the catalyst or Arya or even Bran.

Lord Petyr Baelish you deserved so much better. Hopefully when George R.R. Martin completes “Winds of Winter” he will give you the KING OF THE ASHES death that you deserved.

I Hate RACE

I just turned 45 and this has been on my mind for some time.  One day I'll post the details of the most interesting conversation I had about race.  I'm still chewing on it.  What you'll read below are my real thoughts as a black man.  No hyperbole. My personal ethos is to always look for solutions, best practices, and solid strategy. So read with an open mind.

A couple summers ago I read “Between the world and me” a book written by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Great book that I wish with all my being was fiction. Unfortunately it was a crystallized snapshot of race relations in America. While reading I was introduced to this quote “Race is the child of racism not the father.” When I read this something moved me. Something I knew spiritually was unveiled through words.

 Racism created race. Think about it. Race is an unnecessary bundle. Race is basically color and color is only important aesthetically. If you're buying a car the color is important but not as important as the cost, make, model, reliability, durability. The color is a function of what one likes, not what one needs.

In our world the color of a person has been conflated to mean the make of a person. For example whites are the Mercedes Benz of the world while blacks are the Ford, when in all actually a Benz comes in white and black. The quality of the product is not in its color. ANYONE being proud of their color has fallen for the proverbial banana in the tailpipe.

There is no scientific research that links the color of any animal to divergent behavior patterns. So to form an opinion about a person... a human being...the top shelf of ALL animals... doesn't even rise to the level of conjecture. It is indefatigable heresy. It's a binary myth...people like me are good, people not like me are bad. Race is nothing more than a social construct, and the only reason it survives is because people on both sides buy-in to it, then pass it down through words, actions and most importantly inaction.

What humans in this world have done to fellow humans, in the name, of color is an atrocity. The first “hate crime” ever committed was when a person classified another person by color. Some classification/descriptions I get. Classifying people by gender, or nationality I get. There is a functional logic to it. The human race is predicated on the relationship between male and female, and if the world becomes divided into continents and then further divided into countries then citizenship and law become relative concepts.

Bundling people by color has no functional logic other than to create derision and strife. It is very useful in creating an easily formed caste system. The easiest way to code people and create barriers to their existence , ambition, dreams, and pursuit of happiness is to tell them that they were born a defect...inferior based on something they themselves can never change.

Then if you can reinforce this lie with real life restrictions on commerce, finance, and upward-mobility you've built an institution. The invisible chains graduate from nuisance to hindrance to full blown impediment. The building of a great society on the back of equals that you categorize as inferior was the greatest trick ever performed, and is only rivaled by then giving yourself a 400 year head start and blaming the runners pulling up the rear for their diminished station in life.

It's all a game. Once you agree to play it by the creators rules you lose. The creator of racism wants you to give up, wants you to feel inferior, and wants you to embrace their creation as a reason to be less, do less, contribute less. They want you to emotionally connect to their creation. They want you to eat it, breathe it, and live in it. That is how they win. Stop allowing ignorant constructs to rent space in your head. Protesting doesn't change ANYTHING. It only creates money for the media, and then makes the black person more emotional and less cerebral during the game. If you are thinking emotionally then the logic of it all gets missed. You cease to use optimum strategy.

Game theory dictates that you NOT do what your opponent wants. When you do what your opponent wants, you lose before you've lost. MLK understood this and used a non-violent approach in the 60's to achieve legal rights that should have been god-given. The 2017 version of non-violence is indifference. Do yourself a favor...stop commenting on race for a while. Stop identifying with racism for a spell. Concentrate on being your best self daily. This is how you win. Racism is another persons disease. Why would we want to stay in contact with it? Stop giving it oxygen and it will die.

Stop speaking out... Why? Because when you do...you only entertain racists. The people that aren't racist are tired of hearing about racism, but the people that are racists love when you play the victim. Victim talk is not attractive, because victims will always speak from a position of weakness. Think about it...when is the last time you changed a persons mind about something significant? Stop trying!!!

I love that a person of color was elected to America's highest office in 2008. My flesh rejoiced, and many were quick to espouse that very act as the ushering in of the post-race period in our history. Took about 100 days or so to dis-spell that theory, however I do see a different landmark in that act. That act proved that racism CAN be beat at every level. It's still a very worthy adversary but it can be usurped. Although I have said in private that a truer sign of real change would be  Chief Justice, Fed Chairman, or Speaker of the House.

Finally...

Thoughts are the last bastion of privacy, and as long as you can't be condemned for thought we're always going to have some degree of racism. Racism can't be defeated because it's not illegal. Only when a persons racist activity infringes on commerce has a law been broken, but racism in and of itself is not illegal. Racism can't be taken from an individual it must be surrendered. It will diminish only when it has lost its utility as a construct.

As soon as people of color realize that color is irrelevant and this entire trick is just an elaborate house of cards the sooner we all can concentrate on the things that really matters, Life is too important to be concentrating on slights of hand and illusion when there are pressing real issues that challenge our very existence. The make of a person...the guts...quality of parts... the craftsmanship are all that really matter. Everyone should keep their eyes on their own luggage and don't carry any baggage that doesn't belong to them.

 

I hate people that don't value TIME

 

So.... I'm dating someone new. We've been out 4 times now, and on each date she's been at least 30 minutes late. I'm heading to the meet and I get a text about two minutes before the meet time, and it usually reads like this. “Hey... Gonna be late, be there in 30”

So sending the text before the meet time establishes that she knows how time works. But, a text 30 minutes earlier would have probably kept me off the road and not waiting holding my wang for 30 minutes until she arrived. Letting me know you're going to be late is only valuable if it provides me the opportunity to make a correction on my end. So is this the markings of a selfish person or just an inconsiderate one?

Time is abstract and subjective in and of itself, but some brilliant person a very long time ago created a measure of time that is objective. 15 minutes may seem a blink of an eye to a child, but can feel like an eternity to someone in crisis. So in that sense time is relative, but the fact that 15 minutes is exactly 15 minutes is not in question.

Is the devaluing of time generational? Meaning as our society changes, and evolves does the integers of time have less meaning? There was a time, not too long ago, when if you wanted to see your favorite television show you had to be in front on the TV when it was being broadcast. The very definition of appointment television. Now very few consume television that way. Teleworking, and flex time have devalued the 8 hour work day, as we rapidly segue into a world where 9 to 5 is a relic, and only significant as the title of a bad 80's movie. Am I the relic for still valuing time as much as I do? Is time just a unit? Are the feelings I ascribe to time antiquated? Is an appointment negotiatble? Is it fungible? Is it optional?

I'm 44. I date younger women, not as a choice... it just happens that way. What I've been noticing recently is I make plans, and I get a text (from my time respecting friends) the day of... asking “are we still on for today?” This bothers me because if I had a change of plans I would have sent a notification immediately, and I hope I would get that consideration in kind. Is this the BAIL generation I'm dealing with? Do people bail on plans that easily? Is every outing a face-off of competing events? Is this an unintended consequence of trafficking in millennials?

So... I like this girl. She's very attractive, and no-doubt she's been given a ton of latitude in life due to her beauty. I can even say that her tardiness doesn't bother me as much as it should, and I'm disappointed in myself on that point. I'm not dwelling in it, but I am logging it for later recall.

Can I be in a meaningful relationship with a time gypsy?Am I a time Nazi? Is there a healthy middle?

The pursuit sometimes clouds the specifics. I'm sure once she's been captured a few times, the tardiness will become exibit A in the case to deconstruct. I'm just wondering aloud to myself...will this be the standard going forward? Is time rigid or flexible? Am I a dinosaur or a standard bearer? I guess only TIME will tell !!!

 

 

 

I hate the end of the McLaughlin Group

Growing up in Washington DC is a unique experience. DC is the very definition of urban life, and so,  I was introduced to gangs at a very young age. Not street gangs, as it were, but political gangs. I knew about Republican, and Democrat gangs long before I knew what a Crips or Bloods was.

As a lad I loved newspapers. DC was a mecca of news in the 70's and 80's. Back then newspapers were more neutral. They didn't lean, and they rarely interpreted. They were skeletal and as a reader you were forced to draw conclusion yourself. You were responsible for adding the muscles, blood, and nervous system to the story. My family and friends didn't care as much about news topics as I did, and so I didn't have much opportunity to spar, and wrestle with these ideas. I was without a mentor. I had all this material and no lab to experiment.

So one day I'm flipping through the channels (back then we had 10), and I see this group of people arguing about the news of the week. I immediately stopped, and watched intently as these men spoke. I fell in love that day. The panel was so biting, so informed, so opinionated. The cadence of smart people talking was music to my ears, and has remained so to this day. From that time, I never missed an episode. The McLaughlin Group was my family now. I had a safe place to test my logic, my intuition, and my resourcefulness.

My favorite panelist was Jack Germond. A grumpy cantankerous writer for the Baltimore Sun at the time. He was a democrat but he had the demeanor of a republican. Today's democrats could learn a few lessons from him. He was thoughtful, and unapologetic.

Pat Buchanan was an inspiration. He knew so much. McLaughlin would often try to trip him up with obscure references, and left field questions. Buchanan knew them all... answered them all. I was in awe at his breadth of knowledge. He inspired me to be intellectually curious. I still don't know how that guy never became president.

I got to see the essence of “the Hedgehog and the Fox” play out every Sunday Morning.

John McLaughlin had created an American Original. He blazed the trail for Crossfire, Politically Incorrect, Realtime, The Daily Show, The O'reilly Factor, Morning Joe, Fox News, MSNBC. The idea of rivals going after each other in an intelligent thoughtful way was unheard of in 1982. When you look at ESPN, and see First Take know that it has the DNA of the McLaughlin Group.

 
John McLaughlin died last month. His show died with him. I'm still grieving. I miss it, at this moment, with 100 % metaphysical certitude.  

I hate the Hater Culture

I know this may sound weird seeing as my blog is titled Hate Diary, but stay with me.  I’m getting to something big here.

Magic Johnson used to say he was driven to go to the gym and work in the off season because he knew 3000 miles away Larry Bird was in a gym working, and he couldn’t let Larry have that edge. When I heard this it made all the sense in the world.  Magic and Larry were chief rivals.  If it weren’t for Magic, Larry would have an NCAA championship and 5 NBA championships, and if it weren’t for Larry, Magic would have 6 NBA championships and the Jordan mystique would feel a lot different. It also made all the sense in the world because they were opponents in the same arena playing a zero sum game.  I win you lose.  You win I lose.  The math is easy and makes sense.

When a team won a championship they were happy for themselves and what they accomplished.  They would look in the camera and say “Hi Mom… we did it.”  There was personal pride because they knew they beat the best to accomplish their goal.  When Isiah Thomas reached the mountain top he said “Heaven must be like this.” He reached heaven by defeating the Los Angeles Lakers.

Fast Forward a decade or so later.  Now when teams win a championship… you hear this “We all we got” and my personal favorite “No one believed in us.”  So your arena is packed every night, your shoes, and clothes are sold all over the world, your commercials are on every TV network, and “NOBODY BELIEVES IN YOU.” I find that hard to reconcile. 

Stark difference.  What had changed is that people had started to put a supremely high value on the opinions of other people.  They started concentrating on the voice of the onlooker, the fan, the spectator.  This is not only a sports problem.  This is happening everywhere.  Check Facebook, twitter, IG.  All you see are people creating haters for themselves for motivation.  It’s a slippery slope to KNOW without reservation the thoughts of others and how they truly feel towards you.  But these simpletons do it every day because they feel fake opposition is better than looking inward.

Ballers lost the gumption to go hard against old AAU or college friends.  They want to win but not at the expense of their friend/colleague.  It is easier to go after the nameless, faceless critic.  They would save press clippings and tape them on the gym wall so they could do those extra reps.  Creating an opponent from scratch, the very definition of a straw-man.  The media became the enemy.  They DVR “First Take” to see what Stephen A, and Skip have to say.  Hoping they’d disrespect them so they could add more fuel. The goal is not to win but to prove others wrong.

This is so misguided because in the heat of the battle your opponent is in front of you.  Your opponent is not the fan, or the media, and you need to HATE your TRUE opponent to win. 

LeBron James got reminded of that again.  His two greatest performances in his payoff career occurred when his manhood was tested.  Down 3-2 to Boston in 2012, and this year in game 5 of the NBA Finals after Draymond Green called him out of his name.  He concentrated his HATE on his TRUE opponent and channeled his greatness. 

The problem is after he tapped into his dark side he went right back to being a sheep.  The Ultimate Warrior T-shirt, and the tea sipping Kermit were a reminder that he still thinks his opponent is not in the battle.  I keep hoping they learn, but alas they never do. It’s a sad life when your primary goal is to prove something to someone else rather than prove it to yourself. Because SELF is the ULTIMATE OPPONENT.